I look better un-naked...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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