The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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