what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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