Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
