I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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