Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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