If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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