how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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