She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
