You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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