We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
