don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Sorry my hands just texted you
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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