i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
