singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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