You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
