My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
