That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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