i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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