The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Let's get the cat blown out
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
