dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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