the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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