You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
