Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
