Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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