direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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