I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
