i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
