Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
