Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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