last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
They have beer where we have blood.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
