I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
