There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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