So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
