Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I queefed so loud it echoed.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
