Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
