my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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