i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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