birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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