sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
