mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
