i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
