how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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