a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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