I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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