Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
