You made me cry and you don't even care
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
