If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
