This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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