the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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