all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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