I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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