No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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