have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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