Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
