It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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