I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
