dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
