its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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