Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
