This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
