I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
