You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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