Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
