We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
