Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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