The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize