I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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