ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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