omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize