Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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