apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize