She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
