dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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